Zed with the scorebook and a signed statement by Lionel to all those who doubted he had made his maiden century recently ©Nigel Stockley

Saturday 15th July 2006
Accrington 264, Church 204-9

Another win, another ton and another note of thanks to my new optician (Bob Doubleglazingstein) who sorted me out with the best pair of bi-focal's a man could buy. The game started with me winning the toss and electing to bat first on a scorching day against our locals the Church choir boys (choir as in singing, not the other word….I'm not aloud to insult the opponents remember). Our innings got off to the worst possible start with Waqas ‘even though I got a duck I'll still come off laughing’ and Johnny ‘I'm not at all slow in every respect’ Hayhurst back in the hut with only 20 showing on the board. It got worse as we were reduced to 70-4 inside 15 overs.

In the end I managed to guide the team to 264 all out (105) without actually giving any clear chances (shocker!) but I was ably supported down the order from Toq ‘I am now undertaking a PHd in nuclear physics and bio astronomy next year at the tender age of 17…so all of you who think I'm slow or asleep in the field …..up *****’ Hussain who scored 29. Matt ‘has anyone got a spare leg’ Donners slogged his to 23 and Matt ‘Don’t you dare call me Johnny by mistake ever again’ Schofield an invaluable 15.

Spenny instead of spending time in the middle assumed that he was on a golf course thinking he was Tiger Woods (a closer look at his physique would reveal a more than likeable resemblance to Colin Montgomery or god forbid a smaller version of our very own Graham ‘I'm the king Chav round these parts’ Sneddon). He opted to swing from the hips and was bowled for a quick fire 2 ball duck. He left behind his wet patches at the crease making it impossible for the next man in, Mark ‘ the nun’ Williams to keep his balance without slipping.

In the field we managed to win the game with ease with Church resting on 202-9, Toq not for the first time had the best innings bowling analysis with 3-38. Accy thirds undefeated now for 6 games…roll on the machine. Ps Nige just a quite reminder about updating the centurions board on the net….again! ta [Sorry Zed the engraver's been busy this week - he wasn't expecting another call quite so soon]