Accrington 3rds 2006

Monday 29th May 2006
Accrington 168, Bacup 211-5

The very first game for the thirds got underway at the end of May! And even this was in danger, as grey skies and short sharp shower bursts were constantly threatening the game between Accrington and our residential Lancashire league hillbillies from Bacup. The contest was much more of a gentlemanly affair compared to last years ‘combustious duel’. This was largely due to the pacifying influence of Bacups legendry player and now third team captain ‘Tommo’. It is for this reason that I shall be as Politically Correct as I can and minimise derogatory comments for the opposition (I’ll save them for my own team, and if you read on you’ll Know why)

The game got underway with me winning the toss and putting the opposition in to bat. Boy oh boy did my team justify my decision! 8 or 9 catches were put down, 2 stumpings missed and 40-60 runs in misfields allowed Bacup to reach an improbable 211-5 off 38 overs. What can I say that I haven’t already said in the past?

When the ball was hit in the air I had fielders attempting to catch it, the only problem being that they were in a different post code to were the ball was landing. I had fielders diving in installments and in one particular instance (no names) a certain fielder attempted to dive for the ball after it crossed the boundary and the umpire signalled for four. That particular fielder wears glasses, is tall, spindly and unsure what to do with his limbs. In the outfield he resembles a wide eyed baby giraffe on the plains of the Serengeti. A cricket ball hurtling across the turf, or even worse scudding through the air, is a predator to be feared, and avoided if at all possible.

He wasn’t the only one who seriously needs to spend time on his fielding. A prod to cover, a nudge to square leg, a tickle to point, all to fielders stationed primarily to save singles!. It was fraudulent because no runs existed and yet they kept coming. Often five or six men were assigned that task yet more often they were all tricked. As a team we had the reflexes of plankton and the agility of ageing elephants.

Our reply with the bat was a respectable 168 all out off 34 overs. Key amongst the contributors was Richard ‘I love rotund women’ Williams (47), Waqas ‘the sperm cell’ Ahmed’ (40), Shaq ‘the fly’ Ali (35) and myself (a lowly 15). The rest of the team were consigned to the shame of lowly single digit scores. Once again fielding was soley responsible for our loss.